Myself to Blame
by TamedCapture
Summary: Her Dreams. His Broken Dreams. Breathe Me. ONESHOT BL with mentions of BJu


**Disclaimer - I don't own anything but the storyline. **

**Authors Note - I hope that you enjoy this One Shot. I did my best to make it tasteful and nothing to graphic or hard to read. I hope you send it review's to let me know what you think! **

**Summary - Her Dreams. His Broken Dreams. Breathe Me. BL with mention of BJu**

"_You know that day back when we were dating and I promised to rescue you, if you rescued me back? That hasn't changed and it won't ever."_

The house was empty that day. In the days following when word would eventually get out everything would all change. The people who care will be there to give healthy hugs and helpful glances and maybe some hopeful words. It wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't take back her stupidity. It wouldn't take back her blood-stained clothes. It wouldn't take away his words or his looks. It wouldn't take away the pain she had felt like never before. It wouldn't take back what has already been done.

Brooke Davis had learned a lot in life and one thing that was most important rule was to take care of her first. She was one to always break that rule caring for the others that her world revolved around. In high school this had taken its toll on her. If you had asked her what kind of love she would have when she was older the answer would of definitely not have been a love triangle that ripped her whole world upside down. It had not just ripped her life apart, but her best friend Peyton Sawyers. Plus one, Lucas Scott. Years later they had come to a crossroads of where they wanted their life to be. Lucas realized that he and Peyton could never work out. Peyton had agreed with a mutual decision because she had always known where her heart lied. He was a charismatic brunette who could only fill her with the hope and desire and the family she deserved to have. Jake Jagielski along with his little bubbly daughter Jenny had opened to their lives right back up for her. He decided that Savannah was no longer his home and where he wanted to be. He had moved up several months ago back to Tree Hill. It was sad that they had wasted so many years being selfish and misunderstood with petty games. Then as everyone expected it was just her and Lucas to begin their life together. Except that's not exactly how it went.

_Brooke sat patiently at her front desk as she sketched more designs for her newest addition to the Clothes over Bro's line before Haley would be coming through the door with lunch. Brooke could never turn down the chance to scarf down some subway sandwiches and Butter Pecan Ice cream with her best friend. _

_The front door of the store swung open and instead of seeing Haley coming in, she saw the new guy in town. Julian Baker. She had heard about how he was some hotshot back in LA but the news hadn't phased her one bit. He seemed down to earth and genuinely sweet. He was working with Lucas to direct what would become their high school life on screen. _

_Brooke smiled showing off her signature dimples, "What brings you here Mr. Baker?" _

_Julian walked up to the front counter where Brooke was sitting," Oh, I don't know maybe coming to see if a pretty young thing like yourself would want to have dinner with me Friday night?" _

_Brooke let out a small laugh shaking her head," Flattery does a heart great things. I don't understand why out of all the lovely ladies in Tree Hill you decided to pick me?"_

_Julian knew of her past with Lucas and other men here but that didn't bother him one bit. Lucas would probably be pissed off because he knows what Lucas wants but it doesn't change the fact he screwed it up. _

_He casually shrugged his shoulders," I call the truth when I see it. You intrigue me Brooke and I'd like to get to know you better. " _

"_What do I get out of it?" She questioned._

_Julian leaned forward peering right into her hazel eyes," A great time with a great guy. You could learn things from taking risks. You might never know what surprises are in store." Julian stood straight back up before starting to walk towards the door. He opened the door before returning a glance at her," Friday at 8. I'll pick you up at your house. Be ready." _

_Brooke sat there with a dumbfounded smile across her lips as she leaned her head onto her hand. It was definitely a good change that she could feel coming on. To say the least, she was excited. _

_Haley came inside the store," What's that smile for?"_

"_I'm going on a date with Julian." _

Lucas hadn't taken the news well at all. I broke his heart into a million pieces that I would probably never get the chance to be able to put back together. I watched as he drank his life into bolivian. I had brought him home several times, and spent several nights taking care of him. It killed me to see him doing this himself because deep down he knew I still loved him as much as he loved her. Love that's goes without mention. A month and a half was all it took for the feelings that I had pushed deep down inside myself to resurface. Julian had made her happy during that time span but it wasn't enough. Something she hadn't admitted out loud to anyone but the guilt was eating her alive. That guilt caused the worst moment in her entire life.

_Brooke showed up yet again inside the club TRIC where Lucas had made it his second home. She could spot him sitting on a stool at the bar where Owen was serving yet another shot. She had warned him about giving Lucas so much alcohol but he had argued it was his job and this was his mothers club which meant while Karen was away, Lucas was in charge. She wanted to smack both Owen and Lucas in the face several times but the attempts were failed by her better judgement. _

_Brooke placed her hand on his shoulder," Lucas, come on. Its time you go home."_

_Lucas shrugged his shoulder away from her hand," You have a boyfriend at home and his name is Julian. You should get there before he finds out otherwise."_

"_That's not fair to me Lucas. I'm here trying to help you and be the friend that I promised to be." She tried to reason._

_Lucas cocked his head toward her," Trying to help? If you had wanted to help you would have been home with me."_

_She shook her head," You know that were better off friends." Her heart was breaking because she knew deep down that he was right. She should be home with him in his arms. Yet she knew she should be with Julian as well. He was great. He gave her everything she could ever want. He treated her with nothing but absolute sweetness. Other than his abrupt tempers that could flare, it was nothing she couldn't handle. _

_Lucas laughed in her face," We were never better as friends. I will always be here as your friend Brooke, but we both know that it isn't what were meant to be. I love you and you don't get that." _

_Brooke felt the bitterness to his tone. His eyes weren't soft and open but cold and closed off. She sighed deeply," Please, let's not do this tonight." _

_Lucas stood up from his seat on the stool wrapping his arm around the shoulders of the petite brunette," Just get me home and then leave me alone."_

_Brooke struggled whether to just let him walk inside the house by himself or if she should go set up things like she had before. She turned the ignition off, jumped out of her car and ran as fast she could to catch up with him._

_Lucas heard the car door shut," Brooke, Go home. I'm fine enough to get inside the house to my bed."_

_Brooke wasn't taking no as an answer. She didn't care if he didn't want her there to help because she needed to do it for herself and for him. It was a way to make up for him always being there for her no matter what. _

_Lucas walked inside the house leaving the door open behind him for her to enter. He knew exactly what she was going to do so he went straight into his bedroom. Brooke closed the door before she walked into the kitchen grabbing him a glass of water and a bowl just in case. He had prior accidents before this. Although he isn't as drunk as he usually is, it doesn't hurt. She places the both items on the nightstand beside the bed._

_He's laying on his stomach head facing the door just waiting for her to walk out of his life momentarily again. She leans across his bare back placing a kiss on his cheek._

_She whispered lightly into his ear," You need to start taking care of yourself. Its killing me to see you this way. I love you Lucas Scott." _

_Before she could make it away from the blonde he had turned so quickly lifting his lips to meet hers. His lips were softer then she remembered and the kiss was sweet, sweeter than she would have wanted it to be. She shamefully kissed him back as her body fell slightly against his chiseled chest. Moments passed before she pulled herself out of the caught up moment._

_Her breathing returned to normal before she spoke again," You can't just kiss me."_

_He simply looked back at her, "You can't just kiss me back."_

The words from earlier rang in and out of her like wind blowing at her face. Yet she wasn't outside and Lucas wasn't actually there saying them to her. They were words of the past. She wasn't the strong, independent, beautiful girl he had said she was. She was the broken and battered. She was the face of yet another domestic violence advertisement.

She wrapped her black silk robe around her body as tight as she could tie it closed with the string belt. Brooke made her way around the island counter to the phone. She dialed the number she knew by heart, the one she had dialed so many times.

An abrupt ringing filled his ears to no relent bringing him out of his dead sleep. He wasn't as much a morning person and that was always brought to his attention. He yawned widening his mouth open reaching for his cell phone that rested upon his nightstand.

He touched the screen approving the call,"Hello?"

Her voice was raspy and drier than it usually was," This may seem like it's out of the blue but do you think you could meet me at the store?"

The tone of her voice brought worry to him like no tomorrow. He immediately sat up in bed," Brooke, what's wrong?"

She hadn't allowed herself to cry not once since it had happened the previous night. The sound of his voice surrounded by worry just broke her barriers down. It's just something he was always able to do. Bring out her vulnerability. She fought for the words to come out but nothing did.

Lucas could hear her breathing scatter and immediately knew she was crying," I'll be at the store in 10 minutes. Just let me get dressed. "Before he hung up the phone he said one last minute thing," I love you Brooke and whatever happened, I'm going to help you just liked I promised. Now stop crying, you're breaking my heart."

Brooke hung up the phone up and wiped her face off. The salty tears that ran down from her face burned the cuts variously placed all over. She knew Lucas would be at the store soon and so she made sure she would be there before him.

Lucas drove as fast as he could to his mothers old Café. He couldn't possibly wonder what the hell happened that would make Brooke break down within seconds. A million different scenarios ran through his mind but he shook all thoughts from his mind. He wanted to have a more positive outlook for the one girl who made his head lose control.

Through the front window he could see her standing at the counter face towards the back of the store. He walked inside the store, "Brooke..."

She raised her hand to silence him before he could say any further," What I'm going to tell you is to stay between the two of us. You are not telling anyone of what happened. You cannot tell Haley, Nathan, Peyton or Jake. Not even Millicent, or Mouth and not your mother."

He walked a little bit closer to her but again stopped before getting to close to her," Why can't I tell anyone?"

"Just promise me Lucas! If you're not going to do that for me then I suggest you walk right back out that door. It would have been a mistake to call you or even trust your words." She said with a raised voice.

He was taken aback from this," Okay, Okay. I promise not tell anyone."

She slowly turned around to face him the sunglasses blocking what was hidden. She softly said to him," Thank you for promising. I think we should sit down before I tell you what happened."

He nodded before heading towards the couch they had always had previous talks on. In the bottom of his stomach he could feel what she had to say was destroying her and it was going to destroy him as well.

She took a seat next to him on the couch. She didn't quite know if the words would even come out or if she was going to sit there and just cry. The tears were already forming in her eyes threatening to fall from the brims of her lids.

Lucas reached to her hand, "No, Don't." she quivered.

He returned his hand back into his own lap," I'm trying to comfort you. I don't have to see it, I just feel it and I know you're ready to start crying your eyes out."

She slid down her glasses revealing the two black rings that circled her once bright shining hazel eyes. Her eyes stared down at his hands just to make sure she doesn't make eye contact. If she did she knew there was no coming back from the breakdown. It certainly wasn't the time.

Lucas could feel his heart shattered while his stomach dropped. He thought he was going to be sick when he saw her face. He swallowed hard choking out his words," What happened?"

_Brooke sat on the couch most of the day contemplating what she was going to do. The kiss that happened a week or so was starting to eat her alive. She knew she was in love with Lucas but she really liked Julian. He was a man that she could possibly see a future with. One that didn't involve any of the baggage that Lucas would bring. Even though Peyton was no longer in the scene, just the thought of the past would be brought to mind constantly. She couldn't do it to him though. She knew that she would never be as happy with Julian as she could be with Lucas. It was the simple fact of the situation. There was one man in her entire life that could make her the women she was destined to be. That man was Lucas Scott. As soon as Julian came by she would break the news to him. She wouldn't so much as say she was going straight to Lucas because that wasn't the purpose._

_Julian placed a strong firm knock on the door and stood there waiting for Brooke to answer._

_Brooke sighed as she got up. 'You can do this. You have no other choice but to do this. He deserves more than what Peyton and Lucas did to you.' She opened the door smiling slightly," Hey."_

_Julian leaned in forward to give his girlfriend a kiss but Brooke moved her face to the side catching her cheek. He groaned knowing that this wasn't going to be a pleasant talk whatsoever. He could already feel himself starting to get pissed off. _

_Brooke stepped back away from the door so that he can come in which he did. He walked over to the island and stood there. She closed the door behind him and took back her seat she had prior minutes before. _

_Her hands were starting to get clammy and she was nervous as hell. So she started," Julian this isn't going to be easy for me to say. I just wanted to say that you have made me a happy girl. I could never ask for much from you and you just knew how to make this work. It comes to a time though that I need more than just this. I need to be more than happy. This is to perfect. I'm not perfect and I don't know whether you see that…"_

"_Is this about you spending all this time with Lucas?" he said interrupting her._

_She turned her body towards him to make eye contact," A part of this is about Lucas. Yes. I'm not going to lie to you. I should have told you when it happened but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Last week when I went and got Lucas from TRIC, I brought him home…" _

"_So what, you thought that you should be a whore and cheat on me with him?" Julian shot at her with such disgust. _

_Brooke couldn't believe what had just come out his mouth. Was he being serious right now? She shook her head narrowing her eyes," Really Julian? I try to be honest with you and this is what you do? For your information, no we didn't sleep together but maybe it should of just been that. He kissed me and that was it. "_

"_Because that makes it all the better!" he shot back angrily._

_She stood up from the couch still facing him," No, that doesn't make it better! Nothing will make it better because it was something that should have never happened. I wanted to break up with you nicely and still wanted to be friends. No hard feelings but I can't really see that happening." _

_Brooke walked over to in front of him placing her hands on his lower arms," No matter what I did to you Julian, I really did care about you. I just needed this time." _

_Julian gritted his teeth together clenching his jaw tightly, the words seething out," Do you still love him?"_

_She let her hands drop in defeat looking at the ground before she made eye contact with him," Yes." _

_She couldn't have expected the next events to ever happen. She didn't see it coming at all. Who would have known admitting her love for someone would end in her demise. She just wished he would have been there to save her. He wasn't. It wasn't his fault. He didn't know she was breaking up with Julian for him. She was going to go to his house afterwards to tell him. Her dreams. His broken dreams. _

_Julian grabbed her wrists as tightly as he could with the intents of what he was going to do next. She could see it in his eyes. That the temper he had was about to get the best of him. _

_Brooke winced as the pressure around her wrists began to swell," Julian stop it! You're hurting me!"_

_Julian pushed her against the island so hard her legs felt completely numb and she collapsed onto the ground. "Get up!" He yelled. "You want to know what I think of you loving him. I think that you're a sleazy whore and a liar." He grabbed her by the back of her head, fist full of hair pulling her up onto her feet. _

_The moment she had hit the counter tears spilled from her eyes like fountains of water. She started to beg and plead with him," Please Julian. Please don't do this! You're better than this!" _

_She could see the rage he had in his eyes. He wasn't going to stop all she could now was fight back the best way she could. Brooke brought her fist up so fast Julian didn't see it coming. This was her chance to get the hell out her house and away from him. _

"_You're going to pay for that you bitch!" he retorted as he held onto his nose. Brooke ran towards the door getting it open but not fast enough. He grabbed her from behind his hand stiffly holding onto her neck. _

_Brooke tried to scream and to yell but nothing came out. It was as if her vocal cords were being crushed. She tried to tear away his hands but he was larger and stronger then she could ever be. Her legs swinging struggling to get out of his grasp as the air quickly invaded her throat. She was starting to feel light-headed,"Ju…Julian please!" _

_Julian dropped her on the ground, kneeling over the small brunette girl underneath him. He unleashed the worst part as his fists collided with her already bruised face. "How could you cheat on me, Brooke? How could break my heart like this? For a piece of shit guy like Lucas Scott. He left you for your best friend Brooke, What kind of man is that?" he yelled as he continued._

_Brooke held her hands struggling to keep her face blocked as best she could. Her body was numb, and she couldn't exactly catch her breath. She couldn't feel anything but the tears running down her battered cheeks and the blood starting to run from the cuts he had created. Before he left the last punch that would completely knock her out, she managed to say," Not a man who would take away my dignity." _

Lucas couldn't breathe. He was so upset, mad, shattered that he ever let this happen to the one girl he had loved for half his life. She didn't deserve this especially not at the cost of him. He wanted to get off the couch and go kill him with his bare his hands. Brooke would be able to live with what he was not. He couldn't pull himself away from her to do that.

"Son of a bitch!" he exclaimed as his fist hit the couch. "How the hell did I let this happen to you?" He moved closer to Brooke who looked at him helplessly. He gently wrapped his arms around her moving her into his lap," I'm so sorry Brooke. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you get away from that monster. Why didn't you call me last night Brooke? Why?" Lucas honestly had no idea what to think of this. His thoughts were all over the place. One thing that was clear was that Brooke needed to be okay. He was going to make sure of it.

Brooke shrugged her shoulders laying her head against his chest. She felt so safe that she didn't want to think of what happened. What Julian did to her? She didn't want to speak to him about this anymore but she had to because he was the only who could make her feel like Brooke again. She parted her lips licking away the saltiness that was left behind from her tears;" I called you this morning didn't I?" She shook her head even that hurt. She stilted a small groan in the back of her throat, "Don't be sorry. This isn't your fault. All that time ago when you told me not to go on anymore dates and to just come home with you because that was where I belonged. I should have. I should have had you there with me when I told him. I just should have done a lot of things differently. Now when I see everyone this is the story I will be giving. I'm going to just say I was simply doing some laundry and I got caught up in some of the bed linens and tripped down the stairs head first."

He closed his eyes wishing she wouldn't do this to herself, or their loved ones, "Brooke, Just tell them the truth. You know they're going to know better than that."

"Just let me have my time to really process this. Just let have my time with you." She barely whispered.

Lucas stroked her hair as he rested his head against hers," I just wish I was there to rescue you like I always promised you to."

Brooke lifted her head off his chest looking into his blue eyes," You're doing what you promised right now. You're taking away the pain even if it is for a little bit."

Lucas kissed her forehead," Anything you want me to do, I will do it."

Brooke got lost in his eyes once again. It was hard not to. They just screamed hope, love, pride in what they could do for her. She answered him firmly," Kiss me."

Lucas looked down into her hazel eyes. He wasn't sure if it was the best idea for him to do that so it was a second nature when he questioned her," Are you sure?"

Brooke nodded her head offering only a smile he could bring to her lips," Yes, I'm sure."

As soon as Lucas saw those dimples he couldn't resist her demand. He lowered his neck to meet her lips in a passionate yet simple kiss that would mean the world to each of them. Brooke inched closer to him while his arms wrapped around her once again. Afraid to go any further, Lucas parted his lips away from hers.

"You're going to close up the shop and then were going to go home." Lucas stated

Brooke shook her head furiously," No! I'm not going back there!"

Lucas gave her nothing short of a smile," Home is my house like I've always called it. Your going there and as soon as your up for it, you're moving in."

"I don't know." She said hesitating. She wasn't quite sure that was the best idea. "I can't just jump back into this."

"And I'm not asking you to rush into this. You can't go back to that house Brooke. You're every waking day and hour is going to be haunted by what happened there. At my house, there's nothing but good memories."

Brooke had no other chance but to agree. He was right. She knew that Lucas would never pressure her into anything she didn't want to do and that was one of the great things about him," Okay, I'll do it. "

She stood up off of his lap grabbing her jacket and keys from the counter," Lucas you have no idea how wonderful it is that you're doing this for me. I could have never asked for anything more but just you being here."

Lucas felt himself grinning and feeling the relief wash over him, "Anything for you, Pretty girl."

Lucas brought his arm around her shoulders pulling her close to him," What's the first thing you want to do when we get home?"

As they walked out of Bro's Over Clothes, Brooke took a deep breath before sighing into contentment resting her head against his shoulder," I want you to be my broody. I want you to hold me and wrap me up into your arms because I feel needy and small. I hurt myself again and there's no one else but myself to blame but for those few moments you fool me you will warm my heart and make me feel whole again."


End file.
